Karina Jimenez-Donovan
Someone once said to me, “your life story is for you to tell”……and I think I’m ready. For the past 15 years, I have been on a quest to figure out my purpose in life, the reason behind my existence – that feeling of certainty you have when you’ve finally made it. I realize now, however, at the age of 35….that finding my purpose has never been about the destination, it’s always been about the journey.
I realize now that my “calling” may never come to me in the way I expected. In other words, my life exactly the way it is, though seemingly “unimportant” is actually all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. Life presents us with challenges and lessons that test our strength and our humility all the time. I used to think I needed to get through all that stuff to get to my purpose – that if I was able to avoid obstacles or get past them really quickly, I’d be able to rise, I’d be able to shine and arrive at my destination. I understand now that I was mistaken; I realize now that my life is about facing those lessons and challenges, being present and embracing every moment in my life whether pleasant or not. That my life, regardless of my social status, professional career or financial standing – is my purpose and my true calling is actually to just be in the moment and in a space of gratitude for everything that comes my way.
Of course, this is easier said than done. In the past several years, along with immense happiness and joy, I’ve also experienced excruciating emotional pain that has made me question God’s existence, the universe’s kindness and my ability to overcome and live through what’s in front of me. And yet, through the hardship, heartbreak and anger, I’m starting to see that in me, there is a light that can shine through to help my loved ones and those around me. I’m starting to see that I am here to serve, to personify love in the best way that I can, that for me, the greatest satisfaction comes from making others smile and making them feel loved. I still don’t fully understand why tragedy happens, why darkness comes into our lives in such violent ways sometimes. But I’m making the decision to look at things differently. It’s not about the circumstances around me; it’s about how I respond to them. It is about showing kindness and seeing the goodness in every face I encounter and in every person that comes into my life.
I am still a work in progress. I ache and struggle and question things incessantly. I am inpatient, critical and selfish at times, but I think the difference I see in myself is that I’m actually holding myself accountable now. And when I strive for excellence, it’s no longer about what I can accomplish externally. For me, the greatest reward comes from the depths of my soul when I’m able to give without expecting anything back, when I embody love, kindness and when I am willing to see things humbly and with acceptance….even in the midst of pain. After all these years, I’ve finally realized that this is what my life is about, the ever-elusive purpose and meaning I was searching for, has always been here within my heart and for that, I am forever grateful.
Hi Karina,
Thank you for sharing your article on a purposeful driven life. I have been on a journey of self discovery too and I’m glad that we both share similiar struggles. I agree it’s in the ability to relate with others and to be more giving of our time…the simple yet hard things to do that makes it even more beautiful. Keep your head up and continue to be a source of encouragement and support if that gives you some self gratification then that could be in line with your divine purpose. Some of us are not put on earth to get but to be givers.
Love Always